Only You
by madchilla
Summary: Eren would do anything for Levi, especially if it meant helping him recover from his worst nightmare.


_A/N: Don't let the warnings scare you away. Nothing horrible actually happens. In fact, I'd say the ending is quite good. _

**Warnings: **Mentions past sexual abuse, mentions rape, rape fantasy

* * *

Silence surrounded the two of them in the comforts of their cozy bedroom. Time seemed to stop for Eren as Levi looked expectantly at him. He couldn't make out Levi's expression—whether or not those eyes were embarrassed or ashamed. It didn't matter which they were, however, because his eyes showed complete honesty.

His mouth opened, yet he couldn't make a sound. How could he respond when he wasn't even entirely sure if what he heard was correct?

"W-what?" He sputtered, secretly hoping that he'd heard Levi completely wrong. Levi would never say that to him, especially after what happened that one time. Eren could only hope that he misunderstood.

Levi's eyes widened at the thought of repeating it. He shuffled closer to Eren on the bed they've shared for four years, crawling into his lap, his oversized sleeping shirt edging up his naked thighs. The way he moved was definitely not sexual. He only wanted desperately to be closer to Eren. He buried his face in the crook of Eren's neck, sighing when Eren's hand lightly traced down his back in a comforting manner. His fingers clutched to the fabric of Eren's shirt only tighter as Eren pulled him closer. "I," Levi whispered, cursing his weak tone. He cleared his throat and spoke louder, "I want you to rape me."

Eren's eyes closed as he sucked in a harsh breath, but remained still. Levi's cheek felt hot against the skin of his neck. "Levi..." he murmured softly, only to have Levi cling even tighter to him. He gently urged the smaller off of his lap and to his side. Eren tugged the comforter up to cover bodies and pulled Levi against his chest and wrapped his arms around him. Levi looked up at him with pleading eyes. "I don't understand," Eren said honestly. "I mean...after what happened?"

"What happened wasn't rape, Eren," Levi stated, ice in his voice. He truly didn't intend to sound so bitter, but he couldn't help the way his words came out when he was in such moods. "It wasn't even close to it."

His hand traveled up the span of Levi's back, resting at the back of his neck with his fingers playing with the black hair. "Just because it wasn't, doesn't mean it was good or okay. What happened was just as bad."

Levi widened the distance between them. "No it wasn't. Not to me, at least." He felt the upcoming anger he so badly wanted to avoid wanting to break it's way through him, but he refused. He took a deep breath and pushed it back down. "I don't expect you to understand, Eren."

Eren stared at his partner, searching for any sign that there was even a hint of bluff in Levi's expression. He couldn't find any. "Maybe we should make more appointments with your doctor—have you go twice a week instead of once."

Teeth gnawed into his bottom lip as Levi thrashed his head back and forth. "No," he whispered. "They won't help."

"You haven't been going for very long, yet, though. Why don't we add another appointment and stick it out for a few more weeks just to see?"

That was when the tears came. Levi exclaimed, "No! Eren, you don't understand..." He sniffled harshly and furiously wiped at the tears streaking down his face. "Therapy won't help this. I just feel so—so dirty. Like I can still _feel him _touching me. It makes me sick and I feel _so guilty _because it wasn't that bad. Things could have been so much worse."

Cupping Levi's face in his hands, Eren lightly brushed his lips against Levi's, swiping away a tear from pale skin with his thumb. "Listen to me, Levi. He violated you and that wasn't okay. It will never be okay. You don't have to feel guilty for hurting after something so horrible happening to you, alright? You have every reason in the world to feel the way you do."

Levi sniffed, wiping his face with his shirt sleeve. "So you'll do it?"

Eren's lips quirked up slightly, giving Levi a small smile, but shook his head. "I'm sorry, Levi. I just don't think it's a good idea."

"Eren, please!" Levi gasped, blubbering once more. "I need this so badly. Please, Eren. I'll do anything, just please...do it for me."

Eren reached behind him, grabbing a few tissues from the nightstand beside the bed. He handed one to Levi who wiped his nose while Eren dabbed the tears on his skin. "You know I'd do absolutely anything for you, but I can't hurt you, baby. I'm sorry."

Levi threw his arms around Eren's neck. "No! You won't hurt me, I promise. Please, Eren. I'm begging you!" Sobs wracked his body as he shoved his face against Eren's chest.

Eren's fingers traced scattered patterns across Levi's back, in hopes that the action would help sooth him and whispered meaningless nothings in his ear. "Levi," he cooed. "You're absolutely right. I don't understand, and I doubt I ever will, but I'll do everything to make you feel better."

Levi pulled his face away from Eren's chest and looked up at him with puffy eyes. "Eren?"

"I'll do anything if it will make you feel better, but you have to promise me that you don't want this because you want to punish yourself or that you think you deserve it. Can you promise me that?"

Levi nodded furiously. "I promise! Eren, I need this so bad. I need these thoughts to go away."

The pleading expression on Levi's face tore Eren's heart in two. His blue eyes were even brighter from crying and his nose and cheeks were flushed red. His lips still trembled as if he were on the brink of breaking down again. "I'll do anything for you, but we should really talk to your doctor before we make any plans."

"I already did..." Levi started. "She said that it's normal to have these—these _fantasies_."

"Alright. What about acting on them?"

Levi shook his head. "I never asked. I was ashamed enough having to ask about them let alone following through on one."

"Hey now," Eren murmured. "Don't be ashamed or embarrassed. You have no reason to be, okay? How about we ask about it at your next appointment? If you want me to be there with you, I will be right by your side, alright?"

"Yeah, okay," Levi muttered. "You don't think I'm gross or perverted for thinking about these things, right?"

Eren ran his fingers through Levi's hair, loving the mixture of different textures. "Absolutely not. I could never think that about you. I love you, you know that."

Levi smiled softly, replying, "I know you do. I love you so much, Eren."

Gently tilting Levi's chin up with a light finger, Eren brushed his lips softly against Levi's. "I love you too, baby. Let's get some sleep. You're exhausted." Levi voiced his agreement and shifted to find the most comfortable spot in Eren's arms. Eren quickly reached to the side and flicked the lamp off before pulling Levi close once more. Levi closed his eyes and sighed softly, feeling content and safe in Eren's hold.

* * *

Eren sat on one side of the dark couch, a notebook and pen in his grasp. Levi sat with his legs curled underneath him on the other side of the couch, holding a warm cup of tea in his hands. He waited for Eren's next question as he scribbled down some notes. "Alright," Eren said and Levi perked up. "The most important part of this is _your_ control. You need to come up with a safe word for us to use if either of us feels something is going wrong. It shouldn't be 'no' or 'stop' or anything like that."

"Um," Levi scrunched his eyes shut, irritated that almost all words in the English language suddenly disappeared from him. He picked the one word he recalled from what little he knew about BDSM communities. "Red."

Humming, Eren wrote the word down. "You have to promise me that you will use the safe word if you feel uncomfortable about _anything_. Can you promise me that?"

"Yes, I promise."

"Okay," Eren passed the notebook to him, along with the pen. "I need you to sign right below that." Levi's eyebrows furrowed, but he did as asked, giving the notebook back. "Now that we have the most important part down, you have to tell me exactly what you want. This is completely about you. How do you want this to play out?"

Levi shifted in his spot, setting the cup down on the coffee table in front of the couch. "Um...I've always imagined that I would come home from work or shopping and someone else would be here, but they're not you and they just," his eyes slipped shut. "They attack me right then." He paused to let Eren write down the scenario. "That's all I have. I want to give up all control."

"Are there any specific details you want or certain phrases you want said?"

"Uh, I pictured...God, Eren don't look at me like that. I feel like you're judging me." He looked down, refusing to make eye contact with his partner.

Eren set aside the notebook and scooted closer to Levi, taking hold of his hand. "Hey now, look at me. I'm not judging you. I'm trying my best to help you, but I need you to be completely honest with me. You know I won't think of you any differently."

Levi squeezed his hand, appreciatively and continued, "I pictured the person sneaking up behind me as I'm putting things away and covers my mouth with one hand and grabs my throat with the other. He whispers something like 'Don't scream or I'll kill you.' That's all."

Reaching over, Eren quickly jotted down the note. "I think that's enough for today," Eren stated and set the notebook aside for good. He shuffled closer to Levi, leaning back against him and resting his head on his chest. Levi smiled softly and played with the brunet hair.

"Thanks again for doing this."

Eren hummed, "There's no need to thank me, babe. We're just not going to rush it, right?"

"Right," Levi agreed.

* * *

_Levi patted his back pocket, making sure that his wallet was there and grabbed his keys from the hook nailed to the wall. "I'm going grocery shopping," he called into the townhouse. "Do you want anything in particular for dinner?"_

"_Doesn't matter to me," Eren yelled in response from the bathroom._

"_Alright. I'll be home in a few hours. Keep the house clean, please." With that, Levi left, locking the door behind him._

_Inside, Eren waited for Levi to leave before pulling out the box of things he'd been collecting ever since Levi let him inside of his head. He opened the box, ready to prepare for the evening._

* * *

Adjusting the paper bags in his hands, Levi dug through his coat pocket to retrieve his house keys. His heart rate increased the closer he got to the front door, and by the time he reached the entry way, he feared it would pop right out of his chest. With the key in the lock, Levi took a deep breath and pushed the door open.

"I'm home," he called as he shut the door behind it, locking the deadbolt. There was no response as he toed his shoes off and set them in the closet. He turned around to face the rest of the townhome and his jaw dropped. Levi didn't even notice a bag slipping from his grip and falling to the floor with a slight 'thump'. He stood, stunned frozen at the sight in front of him.

All lights were turned off, but the living room was illuminated by candles flickering on every hard surface in the room. White fairy lights traced around the sliding glass door leading to the balcony. Levi's breath became uneven as he approached the dining table draped in white in the center of the living room. Empty china plates and wine glasses were arranged on the table with a bouquet of roses placed in the center.

He almost screamed when an arm circled around his waist, but a hand cupped over his mouth. Levi squeezed his eyes shut, feeling hot breath against his neck and whimpered. "Red," Eren's voice whispered into his ear, pulling his hand away from Levi's mouth and pressed his forehead against his shoulder. "I'm sorry, baby. I can't do it. I can't even dream of hurting you. I love you so much, Levi. Let how show you how much I love you and how much I appreciate you."

He placed his hands on Levi's hips, gently urging him to spin around and face him. Eren wasn't sure if Levi's expression was surprise or anger. "You planned this?" Levi gasped, unsure of his feelings, himself.

Instead of responding, Eren cupped Levi's cheek with his hand and leaned down, pressing his lips against Levi's. Despite his surprise, Levi responded to the kiss immediately, moving his lips against Eren's desperately and wrapped his arms around his neck. He pressed their foreheads together, breaking the kiss. "God, I love you."

"I love you, too." Eren lifted Levi easily by his hips, the smaller wrapping his legs around his waist. Eren brought their lips together in a searing kiss as he carried Levi to their bedroom. He carefully set Levi down on their large bed and crawled on top of him, tilting his head to deepen their kiss.

Levi allowed his eyes to open and suddenly pushed Eren away with a muffled sound. Eren immediately backed off, letting Levi take in the appearance of the room. "Holy shit," Levi gasped. Much like the living room, there wasn't a single space in the bedroom that wasn't occupied by a burning white candle. "God, Eren." He tugged him down for another kiss.

Eren took control of the kiss, moving his lips slowly against Levi's, occasionally flicking his tongue against his lover's. Intimacy between them had been scarce ever since Levi's attack, and though Eren was impatient to speed up their pace, he held himself back, wanting nothing more than to worship Levi's body.

He nudged Levi's head to the side and pressed hot kisses against his neck. Levi's eyes fluttered shut and he relaxed into the plush pillow, moaning softly when Eren nipped the skin above his pulse. The hands playing with the hem of his shirt and teasing the skin there suddenly pushed the fabric up and pulled the article over Levi's head. "Eren," Levi murmured before Eren's mouth was on his and hands roamed his naked torso.

Eren's fingers had goose bumps raising in their trail along Levi's skin. Levi's back arched when Eren's trim nails scratched lightly down his sides. Levi pulled at Eren's shirt, mumbling something that sounded something like, "Off...Take it off." Eren's turquoise eyes glimmered as his lips curled into a smirk and threw his shirt off to the side. Knowing that Levi was getting into it and was reacting to his touch made him want to pleasure his lover even more.

Levi lifted his hips up as Eren kissed down his stomach, down to the waistband of his jeans. Nimble fingers swiftly unbuttoned the jeans and pulled them past Levi's hips, down his slim legs and off to the floor. Levi tossed his head back when Eren palmed his growing erection through his briefs. "Tease," he groaned while he pushed against Eren's hand, trying to get more pressure.

"Shh," Eren hushed him. "Let me take care of you." With that, he grabbed Levi's cock and flicked his tongue against the ridge he could make out through the fabric. Levi cried out, tangling his fingers through Eren's short messy locks. He made a sound of annoyance when Eren held his hips down, preventing him from getting more friction.

Eren pulling down the restricting briefs had him sighing in relief. "God, Eren, please! Don't tease me..."

Eren wrapped his fingers around Levi's cock, giving it a few slow pumps. "You're so sexy when you're this worked up, baby." His lips pressed to the tip, kissing it lightly before swiping away the pre-cum with his tongue. He almost groaned at how intensely Levi was looking at him. His eyelids drooped, his lips parted and his face was flushed a glorious red. His head tipped back and mouth opened to let out a lewd moan when Eren wrapped his lips around the head of his cock, sucking gently. Eren focused on the head at first, harshly rubbing the tip of his tongue along the ridge while his hands grasped the base and cupped his balls. Finally giving Levi mercy, he went deeper until the tip hit the back of his throat. One of his hands pushed down on Levi's pelvis to keep him from thrusting up.

"E-Eren," Levi moaned. "Shit!" Eren hollowed his cheeks, giving a harsh suck. Vibrations ran down Levi's cock as Eren laughed, only to take more of him in. The grip in his hair should have been painful, but Eren couldn't have cared less at that moment. "God, Eren!" Levi cried out. "Oh...I'm going to come..." Eren released his hand from Levi's hips, allowing him to freely thrust into his mouth. "Eren, shit, I'm coming!" His stomach clenched as his orgasm crashed over him. His breathing came in heavy pants while Eren continued milking him of everything he had.

Letting the tip of the softening cock slip from his lips, Eren kissed his way back up Levi's body, stopping at his neck before kissing his lips. "You're so beautiful, you know that?"

Levi's chest still heaved as he came down from his release. He swallowed thickly, and said in a raspy voice, "You have too many clothes on."

Eren laughed, pressing his mouth against Levi's in a deep kiss, hoping that Levi wouldn't mind the taste of himself on his tongue. He pulled away, drawing a pleading whine from Levi to discard his pants and boxers to the floor. "How's that?"

"Much better."

Levi kept his eyes on Eren as he reached over to the nightstand, mindful of the candles, and pulled a bottle of lube from the drawer. He didn't notice Eren biting the inside of his cheek in nervousness because it was coming to the point where everything tended to go wrong. His initial reaction to slick fingers pressing against his entrance was to shift and pull his hips away. He refused to meet Eren's gaze, afraid that he would mess things up again.

"Hey," Eren whispered. "Just close your eyes and listen to my voice, okay?" He waited for Levi's eyes to flutter shut before rubbing his fingers against him once more. "It's just me, baby. It's only Eren, your husband. You trust me, right?" His first finger slowly eased in after Levi nodded. Levi's eyes scrunched and he let out a hiss. "You're okay, Levi. I've got you." Levi's face relaxed as the digit pushed in further. "See? You're okay." He continued pumping his finger, watching the tense expression on Levi's face fade more and more. Feeling the ring relax around his finger, Eren took the opportunity to add another. Levi's head tilted back and lips parted. Eren's other hand rubbed small circles on his stomach. "God, you're so beautiful," he expressed, watching as Levi's back arched. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," Levi gasped. "Eren...ah, more." He cried out at the tip of another finger pressing against his stretched entrance and Eren's hand wrapping around the base of his cock. His eyes snapped open and hand shot out to grab Eren's bicep when his fingers hooked upward. Levi squirmed his hips around, desperate for that shot of pleasure, cursing loudly when Eren repeated the action. "Eren, please!" He exclaimed. "Oh God, I want you..."

Eren pulled his fingers out after a teasing brush against Levi's prostate. "Relax," he cooed, draping himself over Levi, bringing him in for a deep kiss. Levi keened from his hands tickling down his sides. Not breaking their mouths apart, Eren blindly reached to his side to search for the discarded bottle. He expertly poured the lube over his length, hissing as he gave himself a couple of strokes. Levi wrapped his legs around his waist while Eren positioned himself. His hands cupped Levi's face as he gently eased the head of his cock inside. He ignore the teeth digging into his lower lip while he slowly pushed in the rest of his length.

Eren's own moan was overpowered by Levi's yelp of pain. His eyelids fluttered, frantically willing the tears to go away. Eren began kissing his neck and sucked on the sensitive spot below his ear while he stroked Levi's softening erection. "Move, Eren," he gasped, though his body wasn't completely accustomed to the intrusion.

"Relax, baby," Eren hushed. "I've got you." He patiently waited for Levi to relax around him and his breathing to even, giving a few small thrusts.

He pulled out until only the head remained inside and tenderly kissed Levi as he pushed in in one go. His lips tickled from Levi's moan. Levi broke the kiss as the deep thrusts increased. Eren took the opportunity to nip at his sensitive neck, delighting in the broken sounds escaping Levi.

They had been married for years, together for even longer, thus their stamina was quite high. However, it had been ages since they shared such intimacy, and Eren, dare he say it, felt more closer to Levi than he had on their wedding night. Being able to witness Levi feeling so free and hearing him moan and cry in pleasure after being in pain for so long had Eren knowing that he wasn't going to be capable of lasting much longer.

He grunted while he changed the angle of his thrusts, drawing sharp whines from Levi as he hit his prostate over and over. His hands gently held Levi's hips as he began to meet his thrusts. Levi circled his arms around Eren's neck and pulled him down, pressing their sweaty foreheads together. Levi felt trapped in Eren's peculiar turquoise eyes, yet he never wanted to be free of them. The man above him making him feel so good was the man he loved with all his heart. He was the one who stuck with him through his darkest times even though Levi wasn't much fun to be around. Eren stuck with him and would always be with him.

Those thoughts had his eyes welling with tears but for all the right reasons. Eren brought their mouths together, kissing Levi with all he had. "I love you so much, Levi," Eren murmured hotly against his ear.

Those words and the hand pumping his cock had his back leaving the mattress, toes curling painfully and nails digging into Eren's back as he came with a shout. "I love you too," he managed between gasps as Eren continued thrusting into him until he stilled, coming with a low moan.

Heavy breaths echoed through the room. Eren lowered himself to lie on Levi and gently pulled out of him. He peppered light kisses along the span of Levi's neck, waiting for both of them to regain their breath. "How do you feel?" He finally asked after a few moments.

Levi responded breathlessly, "Mm—good." He allowed Eren to roll them onto their sides and curled up against his lover's chest. "Don't want to move..." He mumbled.

Eren softly laughed, adding, "But I made us dinner."

"It's cold by now. It will taste the same reheated tomorrow as it would tonight. I want to stay just like this right now." Eren hummed in agreement, letting Levi to snuggle up to him as close as he could. "You're sweaty."

"Do you want me to shower?"

"Didn't I just say I want to stay like this? No. Stay right here." And right there, Levi was content. Curled up beside his lover, nice and secure, he knew he was safe.

* * *

_A/N: Thanks for sticking through to the end! I'm sorry for the bad sex. I can write dirty smut but apparently not love making..._


End file.
